A Little Advice If You Are In A Relationship With a Narcissist…. Run!!
I’m not a professional therapist. However, I do have extensive life experience with narcissists. I was raised by a narcissistic mother, which primed me to marry a narcissistic husband. These people will impact your life. Change the way you see yourself. Turn your world upside down and more. A relationship with a narcissist is bound to have lasting and damaging effects. Here are the after-effects of a relationship with a narcissist:
First, Here are Common Traits in Narcissistic Relationships
Devaluation — You will always feel devalued in a relationship with a narcissist. The difficult part is that they rarely ever just flat-out criticize you. Instead, they stroke you with compliments, and then nullify it all by picking you apart.
Gaslighting — Narcissists are experts at gaslighting. They do not accept responsibility for their actions and instead, try to convince you that whatever it is you are experiencing is all in your head. Or even worse, flip the responsibility of said situation or issue as your fault.
Selfish — It’s all about them. They are selfish, self-absorbed, and self-centred. A relationship with them prioritizes their needs and wants first and foremost. There is often very little compromise or concern about what is needed to make you happy and content.
Manipulation — They thrive off manipulating you to cater to them. They feed off of the power they get from influencing your behavior and seeking their approval.
Lack of Empathy, Disregard of your feelings — They care about you to the extent of how your discomfort affects them. I.e. showing concern about you not feeling well because this might interfere with something you were expected to do for them later on. As mentioned they prioritize their needs over everyone else’s, so it’s hard for them to understand or relate to people and situations outside of themselves.
You will be used — Narcissists value you for what you can do for them and how can they can use you.
How the Relationship Impacts You
Low self-esteem & Insecurity — Dating a narcissist will truly obliterate your self-esteem. Two years after splitting from my husband, I am still learning to be firm about my boundaries and do only the things that I want to do, rather than doing things to accommodate someone else.
Confusion- You can often be left confused about your choices and your judgement. You doubt yourself and question yourself as a result of your traumatic and toxic relationship.
Difficult to trust — It’s hard to trust people and even yourself, after a relationship with a narcissist.
Self-Blame or Self-Loathing — Narcissistic abuse is intricate and difficult to recover from. As a result, it’s easy to blame yourself for the relationship and what transpired. It’s easier to internalize what happened, rather than face your narcissistic partner as the culprit for why you feel the way you do.
More likely to get involved with another narcissist — After a narcissistic relationship, it would be highly likely you will get involved with another one. The familiarity with the dynamic is easier to repeat.
It’s not all bad
Walking away from a narcissist is an acknowledgement on your part that deserves better and that your needs and wants are equally important.
You deserve a partner that understands and respects this. After a narcissistic relationship, you learn self-respect and how to be firmer about your boundaries.
Healing from narcissistic abuse takes time, patience, a tremendous amount of self-care and self-compassion. It’s important to seek out a professional who can help you understand the abuse and provide effective tools to move past it.
