Second Time is a Charm: Can Your Ex Truly Change?
It happens to the best of us. Little harmless moments thinking about the good ole days with your ex. Light nostalgia turns into romanticism, which then turns into dire curiosity. Before you realize it, you’re scouring social media for knowledge of what your old flame is up to. If everything went the right way, you might find yourself in a position to potentially get back together with your ex, but should you? Do people ever really change enough to make linking back up with an ex, a sensible decision?
Who do people give their exes a second chance?
When relationships come to an end, many people struggle with the decision of whether or not to give their ex a second chance. The most common reason people give their ex another chance is that they still have strong feelings for their ex and hope that they have changed. Some may feel obligated to give their ex a second chance if they had invested a lot of time and effort into the relationship. Some may also choose to give their ex a second chance due to nostalgia or because they still think highly of their ex and want to make it work.
Have they truly changed, or are they just saying what you want to hear?
While the core of your personality is solidified and rarely changes, people can change their habits. According to Healthline, “a new habit takes 18–254 days to form and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to be automatic”.
Major events and professional help can be the impetus to provoke change in a person. The best way to determine if someone has truly changed is to observe their actions and behaviors over time.
It can be difficult to tell if someone has truly changed, especially when emotions are running high. Be sure to take a step back and look objectively at the situation before making any decisions. If you feel like your ex is being genuine and you want to give them a second chance, then make sure to set boundaries and expectations right away. This will help ensure that both parties are on the same page and can help prevent misunderstandings in the future.
What are the warning signs that they haven’t changed?
It can be difficult to tell whether or not your ex has truly changed, and it’s important to be aware of the warning signs that indicate that they haven’t. Here are a few key signs to be aware of:
1. They haven’t addressed the issues that ended the relationship in the first place. If your ex hasn’t taken any steps to address the problems that led to the breakup, then it’s likely they haven’t truly changed.
2. They still exhibit negative behaviors. If your ex is displaying any of the same negative behaviors that were present in your relationship before the breakup, then it’s likely that they haven’t changed. This could include anything from disrespecting you, to manipulation, lying, or aggression.
3. They don’t take responsibility for their actions. If your ex has failed to accept responsibility for their part in the breakup or any other past issues, then it’s unlikely they’ve truly changed. Taking responsibility is essential for any real change.
4. Their promises sound too good to be true. If your ex is making grand promises that seem too good to be true, they may be simply telling you what you want to hear and haven’t changed. It’s important to look beyond the words and pay attention to actions and behaviors as well.
5. You still don’t feel safe around them. It’s important to trust your instincts. If you still don’t feel comfortable or safe around your ex, then it’s unlikely they’ve changed in any meaningful way.
Is it worth giving them a second chance?
The best way to decide if it’s worth reuniting with an ex, is to honestly assess the situation. Ask yourself if your ex has truly changed or if they’re just saying what you want to hear. Perhaps, you are romanticizing your previous relationship and not considering all that transpired between the two of you.
Do you still have strong feelings for your ex or have those feelings faded away? Have they proven that they’re capable of being honest and trustworthy?
Finally, think about whether or not you would be taking an unreasonable risk in giving your ex a second chance. Are there any warning signs that could indicate that things would end the same as before? What kind of work has your ex done to improve the kind of partner they would be the second time around?
It’s ultimately up to you whether or not to give your ex a second chance, but be sure to weigh all of the factors before making a decision. If you do decide to give them another chance, make sure to set boundaries and expectations from the beginning and remain cautious throughout the process.
