Fuckboys: Why We Love Them, & How To Stay Away For Good
A fuckboy is as ubiquitous to the average woman’s dating history, as denim is in her closet. Whether you entertain one, briefly or decide to settle in for the long haul, if you are out here dating, it’s only a matter of time before you cross paths with one. What you decide to do, when you meet one is entirely up to you, but allow this brief article to give you some insight into all things fuckboy and encourage you to want more for yourself.
What Exactly is a “fuckboy”?
To be succinct, a fuckboy is a man who doesn’t care about you beyond sleeping with you and how good you make him feel. He is not husband material. Not even boyfriend material. Most importantly, you will almost always feel bad and end up heartbroken if you take him for anything more than what he is. A fun time for a flash moment in time.
Standard “fuckboy” behavior
You’ve experienced most if not all of these before. Instead of recognizing it and classifying it as a fuckboy behavior, you’ve rationalized and justified. You’ve made excuses for it. You minimized it and tried to convince yourself that said behavior isn’t that bad or perhaps you think he’s just going through something. It’s the unanswered texts for a lengthy period of time that make you questions where you fall in his line of priorities. Only to get a text so many hours or days later that he was busy or swamped with work. You’ll experience a lot of the disappearing act when dealing with a fuckboy. Then there is the lack of emotional catering that we all desire from someone we are dating. Small gifts and verbal affirmation from your significant other that they care. The fuckboy will simply say “he’s just not that kind of guy”. When you call him out on any unsavory behavior, he will gaslight you. Pretend he has no idea what you are talking about. “Are you feeling well?” He’ll flip the script and put it on you. “Well you know, you could text and call me too.” Honey, stay up on game!
Why do we stick around much longer than we should with a fuckboy?
Hope! Simply put, we deal with a fuckboy because many of us have hope that things will turn around. Also, honestly speaking, fuckboys are not all bad. They couldn’t be otherwise, they would never have success out here. Usually sex with them is amazing. I once dealt with a fuckboy for longer than I cared to admit. Each time I would prep myself to cut him off, I would think about the sex and then I would negotiate that I would stop dealing with him after “one more time”.
Fuckboys can be charming when they want to butter you up to get what they want. It’s the reason why sometimes you experience cognitive dissonance when you experience some of their asshole traits. Then there is the part of us that has internalized behavior. Erroneously believing that their mistreatment is somehow and in some way connected to who you are as a person. If you were only prettier, sweeter, more interesting, etc, he would treat you better. Staying for someone with this mentality is a matter of validation. This is a false concept that a fuckboy would change his behavior for the “right” person.
Stay away from fuckboys and minimize toxicity in your love life
Fuckboys have a minimal approach in the dating game. They live to do the bare minimum to get the maximum return. Your goodies. While some of us don’t mind a friend with benefits every once in a while. Most, if not, all of us love to be treated with dignity and respect. You will never get that from a fuckboy.
He may not cut you off completely. Fuckboys love to have access to you, so they can contact you when they need you. So many of us, get a small ego-boost, thinking that he must really be into me, “he’s still contacting me after all of this time”. He isn’t. He’s banking on you having this thought process so he can swoop in and take advantage of your desire to be liked and loved. He will emotionally manipulate you to get what he wants and then, disappear again.
In this day and age where we can literally contact someone through all sorts of means, there is never a reason for someone who is truly into you to go off the grid for a long length of time. They could literally text you while on the toilet. Even if just to say, “Hey, I’m swamped today. Just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you, and I hope to connect when I get back above water.” Simple. Communicates intentions and demonstrates some modicum of effort.
Love yourself. Stop seeking validation in a man who clearly is not into you. Stop giving someone multiple opportunities to lie, disrespect, use you and discard you. Instead, start figuring out what you desire in a partner. Know and determine your parameters and standards ahead of time. This will make it easy to realize from the onset that a particular person may not be right for you. All you have to do is refer back to what you established that you needed. If he isn’t fitting into that, let him go. Out of 7.753 billion people, you’re bound to find the one that makes sense for you and doesn’t mistreat you.
Stop being friendly to the fuckboys!
