The Truth About Breadcrumbing and How to Deal With It
We have the notable Grimm fairytale, Hansel and Gretel, to thank for the concept of breadcrumb navigation. The siblings cleverly thought to leave a trail of breadcrumbs down to guide them back home after their father and stepmother would leave them to die in the woods. Unfortunately, when it comes to the concept of breadcrumbing as it relates to relationships, the trail will not lead you to an actual happy place, but instead is intended to simply lead you on.
What is breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing is essentially sending mixed signals. On the one hand, you are being flirtatious and engaging, but on the other hand, you are very non-committal and low-effort in your attempts to forge an actual relationship. In short, the breadcrumber is leading the potential love interest on.
Texting is the primary means of communication because what does it cost to send a text? It’s the bare minimum in the way of contact. Despite the communication being flirty, it rarely goes anywhere.
Breadcrumbing Signature Moves
Communication is inconsistent and has the promise of leading somewhere, but rarely goes anywhere.
Plans are never made or if they are, there is no follow-through, or worse, they cancel at the last minute or something always comes up
They send confusing messages. Seems like they are into you, after all, they are sweet and friendly, but that’s where it ends. It’s all fluff.
9/10 you are unsure about where you stand and where the relationship is going based on the relationship
They are slow to respond and can even disappear for lengthy periods and then resurface with a lame excuse or blame it on being “busy”
Who Breadcrumbs and Why?
Narcissists — They’re hopeless, save yourself now.
Emotional Manipulators want to throw you off balance, doubt yourself, and undermine your self-esteem. You’re more likely to endure this devaluing treatment if you
They enjoy the attention and don’t mind manipulating or hurting other people to get it
It’s a way of feeding their ego to keep someone on standby until they are ready to use them for what they want
My Experience with Breadcrumbing
I was in a long-term ‘situationship’ with a clear narcissist. It became clear to me that he would reach out when he was bored with whatever else he had going on. When asked why he was so low-effort (a cringe-worthy question), he had a million and one excuses about how busy he was, that he was lazy, or that he just had too much work to do. He always made sure to add for me to not take it personally, he got nothing but love for me, and I’m his fav. That was intended to be the doggie biscuit for me to hang in there.
Best Way to Combat Self-Esteem
Quite frankly, you will need to get some healthy self-esteem and get a backbone. Unless, of course, you don’t mind ambivalence on where you stand with someone and you enjoy being pulled off the shelf when the other person is available and cares to indulge. However, I’m guessing that’s not the case. So if you have to ask, usually you already know the answer and it’s best that you simply move on. There is no reason to endure someone treating you badly. If they wanted to be with you or were genuinely interested in having anything substantial with you, they would. It’s that simple. If the leader of the free world can find time to tweet, surely whoever you are dating can find a moment to take you out to get to know and have a more personal interaction with you. Expect more. Demand more. Get more.
I am starting a new daily writing habit and posting on Medium on every day. This is post #10
