How Long Should You Take to Commit to a Relationship
I know! I know! Not everyone wants a commitment. Not everyone wants marriage. If that is where you are, this article is not for you. This is for the woman who wants a relationship and possibly marriage.
So before you ask how long you should wait for a commitment, first establish that an exclusive and monogamous commitment is for you, and whether or not you want marriage.
Time is of the Essence
I hate to be the bearer of bad news and I’m not saying this at all to place undue stress on you, but depending on what you want, time is important. For example, if you are a young woman of childbearing age and know that you would like marriage or commitment, and children, then, it is not helpful to you to waste your time with a man who “just wants to chill” or “see where things go”. You can end up in a complacent situationship for a decade and then, what?
Being crystal clear about your relationship goals will help make smart decisions about dating and commitment.
Why Do You Want Commitment?
Sometimes we are so focused on finding “our person” that we end up slotting anyone in, but fools rush in. Before you broach the topic of commitment, you should consider a few things:
What do you like about this person and why do you want a commitment with him?
Can you see a future together?
How well do you know him and have you given yourself time and opportunity to see various facets of who is he is?
Different Strokes for Different Folks
This is just a generalization and your unique situation may call for more or less time, but generally speaking, 3 months into seeing someone should provide enough time to consider exclusivity.
6 months to a year, is plenty of time for a man to know whether or not he wants to marry you.
I’m not saying that he will propose within that timeframe, but it’s certainly enough time to know whether or not it’s something he wants to do.
Be Prepared to Walk Away
If you want a commitment and you are not getting it, then you have to decide to walk away. You can not allow a man to waste your time indefinitely, especially if you are clear on what you want. To do so is to undervalue yourself and discount your worthiness.
If not him, then another. You don’t need to wait, hope, and pray that a man will wake up one day and commit. If enough time has passed and he is not having the important conversations that need to be had, then collect your dignity and leave. Believe me, when I say, it does not take a man 5 years or 10 years to know whether or not he wants to commit.
Please refer to the “time” paragraph
As I said at the beginning of this piece, time is a non-renewable resource, do not waste it on someone who does not want, what you want. Instead find someone, who is sure of you.
I once met a man who was with a woman for 15 years. He went away for work and met his wife. He called his girlfriend of 15 years and told her to take the money that was in the bank account and please be gone by the time he returns from his trip. Can you imagine? 15 YEARS A GIRLFRIEND, until he met the love of his life, and was married within a year.
Know your value. Know Your Worth. Know when it’s time to move on!
