How to DM Without Being Creepy
I love scrolling my social media feeds and seeing the best most people have to offer of themselves on my timeline. I try to balance scrolling, with work, on most days and not get completely sucked into the black hole that can rob me of productivity. On my IG account, I often have men pulling into my dms looking for a connection. Many times I don’t even bother to respond. After all, I don’t know the vast majority of these people at all, have no reference and am too apprehensive about striking up a connection with a stranger. Also, their intros are usually lame, creepy, and sleazy. There have been occasions when I did respond and I’m happy to say, we went from strangers to IG penpals. Bantering back and forth about stories or shared life experiences. Those are always refreshing and I have to admit, I enjoy positively connecting with quality people. If you want to slide into the dms without being creepy, here are a few things you can try:
Pleasantries on content
Striking up a conversation around content is a smart way to genuinely connect with someone. Most of us don’t mind a little ego-stroking from time to time. You can use these as a foundation and add your sparkle to make it more uniquely yours.
Genuine flattery will get you everywhere — Hi, I’ve been following you for a while. I enjoy watching your stories. I just wanted to introduce myself and share that you have a fan.
Wanderlust Connection — I’m living vicariously through you with all your drool-worthy wanderlust photos. What’s on your travel bucket list this year?
Mindfulness/Wellness — Your quotes and captions resonate with me, can you recommend a book that has significantly inspired your life?
2. Avoid sexual comments
This is crass and basic. Nothing screams creepy more than initiating an introduction that is overtly sexual.
3. You can never go wrong with humor
I love a good joke and more importantly, I love to laugh. I’m more inclined to engage with someone that doesn’t take themselves so seriously and has a great sense of humor.
4. Desperation is not a good look
There is something about someone having a lack of confidence that is anti-seductive and even repelling. It sends the message that you may not even be worthy of the person that you are contacting. Don’t do it. There was a guy who used to reach out to me daily. He would skip a few days but for the most part, he constantly wrote to me even though I never responded to him. I was so utterly turned off by his lack of perception. Take a hint and move on if your messages are not well received.
5. Be chill about rejection
If you get rejected, it’s ok. Just move on gracefully. No need to be insulting or derogatory to deflect from your bruised ego.
6. Don’t blow up in the inbox
Send one message and wait for a response. Do not flood someone’s inbox with multiple messages. It reeks of mental instability. You will not get a response.
7. Be genuine.
There is something incredibly endearing about someone who is intentional and presents their real self. That authenticity is more likely to garner a response than some corny pick-up line.
Seriously, this is not “War and Peace”. Sliding into someone’s dms should be less intimidating than approaching someone live and in-person. You don’t know the person. There is a lot less pressure of having to come up with a follow-up response. Even if you are rejected or ignored, what have you got to lose? With that said, be easy. At least you exerted a good faith effort which is putting you a lot closer to your goal, than simply doing nothing at all.
