The Truth About Your Brain on Heartache
Nothing compares to the scent of a relationship’s fresh start. The time when you see the best in your love and that sentiment is reciprocated. It’s an exhilarating feeling causing you to believe that you can truly conquer all. It comes with a rush of dopamine coursing through your system as you indulge in all the relationship bonding activities that fortify your connection to a significant other. In effect, you are an addict and love is your drug of choice. You are on a proverbial and literal high when you are in love. That is until you unceremoniously break up. Even if it was your choice, break-ups can be challenging.
I’ve had my heart broken a handful of times. It’s a painful experience that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. The last time I had my heart broken, it felt like my heart was going to shatter inside of me. I felt like I was in literal pain. When I started to consider the idea of dating again after my marriage ended, I realized that I would never love a man the same way that I loved my husband. This is not to say that I would never find love again, but my heart changed. My mind and thoughts around love changed as well. I always believed in love and still do believe at my core, I am a romantic, but I was curious about the mental impact of heartbreak so I decided to dig into it. Did you know that every time you experience heartache, it alters your neurochemistry?
A cocktail drug
Turns out that love is indeed a neurological cocktail comprised of “love (oxytocin0 + pleasure (dopamine) + happiness (serotonin)” (“Broken heart, broken brain: The Neurology of breaking up and how to get over it.”)
Withdrawal
“By charting brain activity with an fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) machine, scientists can spot telltale regions of your brain glowing joyously when you look at a photograph of your beloved. But new research suggests that neuroscientists can tell you much more than what you already know (that you’re madly in love).” (“Brain Scans Could Reveal If Your Relationship Will Last”, www.livescience.com)
When you break up with someone you love, your entire system goes through withdrawal. Maybe it’s the dopamine? You had a life and routine with them and when that ends, a void replaces their presence, while you adjust to post-break-up life. It’s natural to think about your ex and the relationship. It’s standard to process why things unfolded the way they did. You can’t help but wonder what your contribution to the dissolution of your relationship was. Even in instances where your ex is the “obvious villain”, you’ll wonder why you didn’t see the signs sooner. You may even question your judgment. In the same way that a drug addict faces withdrawal of their preferred substance, doctors have discovered that heartbreak kicks up a similar reaction for us.
You experience pain
Heartbreak can cause a visceral reaction. It’s an emotional pain so impactful it takes time to process and is not easily overcome depending on the duration and intensity of the lost relationship. Emotional pain and physical pain have the same neurological effect. The pain can cause us to feel numb and disoriented.
Trick Your Brain
To ease “love’s hangover”, you can engage in activities to replace the drop in neurotransmitters triggered by your relationship. Activities such as increased exercise, mediation, and listening to music are all ways to help ease the transition and encourage you to feel better while you are going through the healing process.
Often when you are suffering from heartbreak, you are eager to move on and may even feel ashamed for not getting over it quickly. It’s a process. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace. Turns out, you’re LITERALLY getting over an addiction.
