Empowerment Over Settling: Black Women's Guide to Thriving in Relationships
Yet again, another woman is being maligned for the standards she has set for men. Just recently, Eboni Williams, an attorney and one of the “Real Housewives of New York”, found herself the target of ridicule on the internet following her Grio interview with Iyanla Vanzant. They had been discussing the issue of black women struggling to find suitable partners due to many men not meeting or exceeding their socio-economic level. Iyanla asked Eboni if she would date a bus driver, to which she candidly answered in the negative — unless he owned the bus — an answer which instantly caused the online backlash to begin.
Iyanla then commented that this was a very real issue, saying that many good men were overlooked simply because of their job title or the amount of money they made, an opinion which only served to incense the detractors further.
From there, the comments became deeply personal. Countless people who have bus drivers in their families or who work other blue-collar jobs were deeply offended. It wasn’t long before both men and women began bashing Eboni personally. One woman wrote a whole slam piece discussing Eboni’s white ex-fiancé and associating her single relationship status as an indication that she isn’t a high-value woman.
FULL STOP!
I’ve been writing about relationships and dating long enough to understand that when a woman is upset at another woman’s relationship standards, it’s often because she has never received the treatment that this woman is requesting. Furthermore, she doesn’t believe she ever will, so to her it’s unrealistic. If it’s unrealistic for her, how can someone else think they are going to receive that? There tends to be a trace of bitterness from older women towards younger women who are demanding and receiving more as a result.
For men, the issue is different. Men scoff at standards and requirements they are incapable of meeting. They then make disparaging comments in an effort for a woman to come down on her standards. Planting that little seed of doubt might end up working for them in the long run.
After all, who profits when a woman of lofty expectations lowers her standards to accept men who she wouldn’t have previously entertained?
This sad conversation almost exclusively only happens in the Black community. Imagine a white female, Goldman Sachs executive being asked if she would date the janitor of the company. Where would Eboni even have an occasion to even meet said bus driver? Compatibility is not just about money. It’s about similar lifestyles. Common interests. Values. While there can be commonalities amongst people of various socio-economic backgrounds, most people date and socialize within the circles that they move in.
Collectively, Black women should demand and expect more. For most other races, it’s expected and assumed that finances should be considered when selecting a mate. However, Black women are often treated as though they do not deserve a ‘high-value man’ and should instead make do with the options presented to them — regardless of the educational and financial gap.
Hopefully, more women will break away from this unfortunate and low vibrational mentality that does not benefit them outside of being able to say they have a man. I hope they seek to obtain the best partner that is available to them.
