How to Figure Out Your Deal Breakers In A Relationship

I used to date, just to date. Actually, I used to date just for a brunch story. Clearly, I had time to waste and didn’t know the value of my time. But the older you get, the more you realize what a valuable commodity time is and the more you realize how much you don’t want to waste it, especially when it comes to your love life.

I really don’t have time to finesse a man and stroke his ego. Once I figure out that we are not compatible, I cut my losses and move on. Remaining in a relationship and continuing to date someone that has made it obvious that they aren’t for you should be immediately stopped. Aside from being a waste of time, it radiates energy that you are ok with getting more of what you do not want in your life.

Deal breakers are those things which make a relationship a non-starter for you and they are equally important to knowing what it is you want out of a person and a relationship.

Some may even argue, even more so. Here’s how to clarify your deal breakers and determine what would disqualify you moving ahead with someone.

Identify and Define What Happiness Looks Like In Your Relationship

The first step to discovering your deal breakers is to identify what is imperative to your happiness in a relationship. A couple of mine are financial stability, emotional support, and spending quality time with my significant other. Needless to say, a man whose job takes him away for several days out of the week is probably not the best fit for me. Sometimes we have a lot of concepts swirling around in our head, but we have not taken the time to bluntly acknowledge exactly what we want. Take the time to do that.

What Is An Ideal Life Look For You?

Map out what your ideal life looks like. Where do you want to live? Do you want to get married? Do you want children? Travel? There are no right or wrong answers, only what makes sense to you and what works for you. Defining your ideal life will help you edit your potential partners. If you absolutely want children and meet someone who is great but absolutely does not want them, then, you shouldn’t really waste your time, hoping, they’ll come around.

List your values and take a look at how you spend your time

Examining your values and assessing how you spend your time, can offer real insight into what is most important to you. Some of which will need to be important to your potential mate. I enjoy going out and socializing. A homebody simply won’t work for me, unless he’s a homebody that is ok going out with joining me a significant part of the time. Otherwise, going out alone or not going out and begging to go out instead, will get old quickly.

After you have defined these, you can create a list of traits your ideal partner should have and a list of traits that would be a non-starter for you.

Test your dealbreakers in a hypothetical

Imagine you met your dream mate. Someone who simply is a walking wishlist. There’s just one thing. They (insert one of your deal breakers). Does the thought of that, kill them as a prospect? If so, you have successfully determined a deal breaker. If not, remove it from your list. So long as they have everything else, this isn’t really a deal breaker for you.

Dating and relationships are not easy. Some of us have to kiss many toads before finally finding a suitable partner. Figuring out and sticking to your deal breakers is a way to streamline this process and avoid wasting time.